Come in...out of the darkness...

"I'm so lost for you..."

2004-10-22T22:57:47Z

"If I've gone overboard,
Then I'm begging you
to forgive me.."

"The grand facade so soon will burn..."

2004-08-10T23:31:48Z

To everything there is a season,
A time for ever purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A tme to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war'
And a time of peace.

Friends Only

2004-05-28T14:53:20Z

"You've got a dangerous background...And everything you've dreamed of."

2003-12-13T22:46:45Z

Jessica just called and told me who drove her home today from taking the ACT's. And of course...it was Chris Avery. One of the most attractive guys in school (in my opinion). Jessica said she asked if he knew who I was, and he said yeah...She asked what he thought of me and he said he's never really talked to me but he said I was pretty. She said she told him everything she thought about me and she may have come off sounding gay, heh. But she told him that he was on the top of my list of hot guys...and she said he was very shocked.

I'm glad he knows I like him now... :)

"I am something of a dreamer..."

2003-12-12T03:47:14Z

For some odd reason, I've had a very good week. I haven't been pissed off at all...I haven't been very depressed at all. I've just been very...I don't know. Not necessarily happy, but I have nothing to be unhappy about. I just feel very carefree.

I was thinking about two songs the whole day that fit me sooo well for how I've been feeling...
Tom Petty - Free Fallin'
R.E.M. - End of the World

I can think of something that has made my week a little messed up though...That's my friend Robert. He's incredibly pissed off at me right now, and he's not going to get over it anytime soon. I don't know what to do about that...
Somer didn't help it either...she kept trying to made me feel bad and like I hurt his feelings on purpose. That pissed me off sooo bad!
She's been pissing me off lately. And you know what pisses me off even more...when she says something she did and she thinks it's so funny and she does this stupid fake laugh that she thinks it cute, and then I just sit there and tell her to stop and try to convince her that it was not funny...but oh well. She's okay sometimes, but other times she just annoys the hell out of me..

I've been talking to Jordan on the phone a lot lately...I like talking to him. He's the only person I talk to on the phone because I hate talking on the phone. He told me today that we talk more than him and his girlfriend. I don't like him anymore...I just like talking to him sometimes. He still says stuff to me like we are going out though...he normally says "hey beautiful" to me when we start talking.
I'd probably never date him again unless he gets rid of Ryan as a friend..which wont happen, so I'm probably never going to go out with him again...

Ugh...I have homework to do. Fun fun...
I think I have the most amazing teachers (besides Mr.Bargery). For some reason...all my teachers really like me because they'd tell me what have zeros in from not turning in homework..and they'd tell me just to turn it in latery. Well...Ms.Lane doesn't tell me when I'm missing stuff, so forget about her. I guess all my other teachers to that besides two...But still, it's awesome.
Report cards come out soon...One of my teachers was talking to me today and she said if I don't make a 90 in that class then she was going to strangle me with my scarf. I think I have an 80 in there right now so I better get about 10 more points...heh.

14 more days until Christmas...how awesome is that? I can't wait...and then we have about 18 days out of school.

I just wanted to mention that I fucking hate Ryan Brock...and I wouldn't mind if he got struck by a bolt of lighting, a tree fell on him, he got hit by a car...I know I'm going straight to hell for saying that about someone, but I really don't give a shit what happens to him.

Well..I think I'm going to go do some homework...

"They've clipped my wings again, tore them apart and then left me..."

2003-12-09T01:39:09Z

I think about death all the time and it scares me. I mean, I'm not fascinated with death in any way, but I'm scared of someone I love dying.
I'm so worried that I'm going to have to watch someone I love die...I've never been to a funeral before either. I can't even stand the thought of someone dying in my life time. I'm refereing to my family more than anyone else. I have two brothers, one sister, and both my parents, and I can't stand the thought of losing one of them..

I'm always worried about my dad, though. He has a problem with seizures. I don't know exactly what he has...but he has to take like 6 pills a day for seizures and it scares me. The last seizure he had was on June 4th...I have a good memory. I mean, it scares the living fuck out of someone when they see their father on the ground shaking and you can't do a damn thing about it.
He almost died when I was 7 years old...he had died twice and the doctors had to used those 2 shocking things, and the doctors had said that if he would have died again they would have just let him die because that would have meant he wasn't strong enough to survive. I was 7 then and I don't remember it being a huge deal back then..probably because they had never told me about those details..

I just love my dad so much that I don't know what I'd do if he has another seizure...

I was thinking about all this last night while I was lying in bed...I thought about it to the point where I was just sitting there crying and I couldn't stop crying...it was terrible..

I need to talk to someone about this whole death fear...I mean, it's worse than a fear when I'm so concerned about it. I don't know what to do... :(

"You may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one."

2003-12-08T23:36:58Z

October 9, 1940 - December 8, 1980

John Lennon

You are truly missed, John...

Why did he have to die? Of all people..why kill him? Why kill anyone?

I hope Mark David Chapman is sitting in his jail cell right now wondering what the fuck he was thinking 23 years ago...

"I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you.."

2003-12-08T04:51:09Z

I fucking hate French class!! It's so aggravating to learn a different language. And what makes it worse is when you have a teacher like mine. A teacher who gets mad at you when you don't understand one little thing. Teachers are supposed to be patient with you and not bitch at you for not knowing exactly what's going on. And it really pisses me off when the bastard writes you up for being a human being and forgetting your homework...
Yeah, he writes you up for forgetting. Even if you are a straight-A kid who forgot to bring it in one day!

Ugh...School's a bitch.

Tomorrow we have a basketball game in school. I doubt I'm even going to play, so I'm just going to have to sit there the whole time. That's alright..I'll have Somer to talk to. I don't even know if I'm going to dress out...
I think we're supposed to wear our windsuit to school tomorrow, and I really don't feel like it. Mine's about 2 sizes too big and it looks incredibly tacky on me.

I should probably go to bed. Last time I went to bed late, I woke up 20 minutes before school started and that wasn't too fun.

A nice, peaceful day turned into a terrible night.. :/

*taps head 21 times*

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night...Take these broken wings and learn to fly."

2003-12-07T23:35:50Z

Well, I went to church today. It was very interesting...During group processing I felt very relaxed. I wish I could feel that relaxed all the time...it was awesome.

We got a Christmas tree today! I'm very excited about Christmas. I really want it to snow.

-sigh- I really need a new layout. I'm getting tired of this one...

"Some day you will find me...caught beneath the landslide."

2003-12-07T05:12:59Z

I always miss the fun activites at church.. :(

Tonight was this celebration of this program we have called "LEAP" and of course...I missed it. Issac Hayes, Lisa Marie and Priscilla Presley were there, so that would have been pretty cool to go. I guess I'll find out more about it tomorrow morning..

"Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying..."

2003-12-07T04:51:08Z

I thought this was interesting...

Your Daily Horoscope from Astrology.com:
December 06, 2003

If you can choose the person you spend the majority of your time with, make sure it's someone who has similar interests and outlooks on life as you do. There's a good chance that you'll be traveling or stuck in close quarters together -- being confined in a small space with someone who argues with you at every turn of the road can get mighty old mighty fast. That's not to say that a different viewpoint isn't good from time to time; right now, you're better off with someone who understands you and who can sympathize with what you're going through.

Someone...help me find that person.
I wish I could find a friend who understands me and I could relate to.. :/

"Sunflowers and your face fascinate me..."

2003-12-06T00:31:28Z

For some odd reason..I'm in a very depressing mood tonight.

I'm about to go to the movies with Timorie, Maegan, James, Somer, and Justin. I don't feel like going at all, but I'm sure I'll have more fun when I'm there...

"I can't change the world...and I can't face it."

2003-12-03T05:18:25Z

I just got home from the damn basketball game..I don't feel like talking about that right now.

But...I think I found someone who I would really like to get to know better! In August, when school started, I was wearing my Doors shirt one day and this guy came up to me and told me how awesome they were. So I was like...this kid is awesome! So now everytime we see eachother in the hallway, we stop and talk. He's also a big fan of Pink Floyd.
Well...today after school when me and Somer were walking around the parking lot, he came up and talked to me for a couple of minutes. After that...I realized how awesome this guy is and I would love to get to know him better. He's so cute, too..I normally date guys with dark hair, but this guy has blonde hair. And...he's a freshman. Oh well, I'm probably only about 4 months older than him. I could live with that...

Whoa...I'm getting a little too far ahead of myself.

I'll shut up now so I can go to bed... :)

Edit...
Okay, I talked to him more today..and I don't know if he's someone who I'd really go out with. I don't know though...He's still very hot, but I doubt I'd go out with him. You never know though...

"I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines..."

2003-12-01T02:54:10Z

It smells like a hippie took over my bedroom...I've been burning candles and inscents in there for the past few days while listening to my record player.
I like the smell though...:)

"She dreams in color, she dreams in red..."

2003-11-30T23:44:18Z

I want to go to England soooo bad.

On Wednesday, we went out to eat with Ms.Wilson and Ms. Janet and we started talking about Wimbledon, and Ms. Wilson said she would take me and Jordan to London so we could go...I don't know if she was kidding or what, but even if she was kidding, I still really want to go...

And then on Friday night, we went to the movies and I saw "Love Actually" with my mom, and that whole movie is in England, so that made me want to go even more.

Another thing I like about England is I looooooove those British accents. That's why I adore Hugh Grant so much.. :)

"All the love gone bad turned my world to black..."

2003-11-28T00:06:53Z

I forgot how much I loved this song...

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star...
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine"

"Temptation, frustration...so bad it makes him cry."

2003-11-24T17:50:00Z

My mom just told me that if I cleaned my room she'd tell me something I'm getting for Christmas that they have been teasing me about...

Hmm...is it worth the trouble..?

"I'll follow you down 'till the sound of my voice will haunt you..."

2003-11-24T01:05:53Z

Well...my Grandma's not coming for Thanksgiving. She just broke up with her boyfriend, too. I don't think she's too upset about that either...heh. She still might come a week after Thanksgiving though.
My mom was on the phone with her earlier and my grandma told my mom that she wanted to sell her house in Arizona and just live in New York instead of having both houses. And my grandma said it would be cool if I could go to her house in Arizona sometime before she sells it. Damn, wouldn't that be awesome. I really want to go...I might go whenever our next break is after Christmas.

"A black widow spider makes more sound than she..."

2003-11-24T00:55:08Z

These tears that everyone passes over
Must be invisible
I cry them every night
Yet no one sees them sliding down my check
Sliding like the blood slides off my wrist

These tears I now cry
Are just red stains to my eyes
They're not invisible to me anymore
But they're still invisible to the rest of the world...

"Don't call me daughter, not fit to be. The picture kept will remind me..."

2003-11-23T06:00:02Z

Sometimes I wonder if my parents ever hear a word I say...

"I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now..."

2003-11-23T04:27:36Z

I know I haven't written in here in a while...but nothing too interesting has happened in a while.

I got my hair cut today...Everyone always tells me to wear my hair down, and how pretty my hair looks...but I never wear it down because it's too damn long. So I went and got it cut today. It shocked me a little when I looked down and saw about 6 inches of my hair on the floor. But surprisingly, it's still long... I got it layered, and I love it. I can barely put my hair up without it falling out, so now I have an excuse to wear it down...The only problem is when I go back to school and everyone's going to be like "Omg...you're wearing your hair down!!" That's really going to piss me off....

I got a lot of good comments about my hair tonight about my basketball game... :)

Well, I don't really know what else to talk about now...

"Love has made me a fool, set me on fire, and watched as I floundered.."

2003-11-22T03:24:20Z

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

"The rain is music on my window sill..."

2003-11-17T04:51:30Z

Holy shit! Fleetwood Mac won the AMA award!! I'm so happy for them...this is awesome!
Since they're on tour in Germany, they accepted their award via satellite. They also performed via satellite...unfortuanly they sang "Peacekeeper." I love the song and everything...but I really wish they would have sang their new single, "Thrown Down", I would even rather them sing "Say You Will"...but I have to be happy that they showed them perform the song period!

Well...I should probably go to bed soon. I still have to do homework, too...

"I know he loves me. Every day he calls me. He says he adores me...What can I say?"

2003-11-16T22:34:39Z

Today I woke up and went to church. Of course, I was the only one there. So, everything was going good in service. And then it was time for "Group Processing" and everything got...weird. I mean, it was a weird one to choose since it was only me and Paul. It was a lot of "What do you think about...?" questions. He asked about 150 questions. I didn't have to say the answers out loud or anything, I would just have to answer them in my head. They were all different questions except "What do you think about sex?" that question was in there about 5 times, all in different places. I got such a weird vibe from all of that today. I kept thinking he was trying to tell me abortion was bad because that was mixed in with the questions. He kept asking things like..
"What do you think about being with men?"
"What do you think about burying children?"
"What do you think about hurting children?"
There were about 10 similar questions to that in a row. And then he just asked more things...I just thought it was really odd today.

After church, we went to the Flea Market they have in Memphis every few months or something. I bought about 10 records. I love them... :) It was so odd too...I was talking to my dad about how the record people should have "Buckingham Nicks" there because it is such a rare record, and the next record booth I walked by, that was the first record I saw! It was proped up in the front of everything. It was awesome.. :)

Tonight is the American Music Awards... Fleetwood Mac is up for "Best Pop/Rock Band."
God, I hope they win...

"Long nets of white cloud my memory..."

2003-11-15T23:36:43Z

When will this day fucking end...